This will be a day long remembered.....

Two years ago ( 2015 ) I posted on facebook the following: A little after 5 am Clair Harrison Gile slipped quietly out of this world this date, 1999 - 16 years ago.  

   

• I think of my father every day. I love this picture of us - taken months before his death. Though weakened by cancer, his drive to live and wonderful spirit shown through his pain and fatigue. He would often say "I'm not afraid of dying, it's the process I fear...." I lived with him the last 3 months, fixing up the house on Lakeview Ave. Painting. Ripping up carpet, preparing the hardwood floors to be refinished. And wonderful quiet times of his remembrances of childhood, and old freinds. His love of the Sea and places he'd been in the Navy. We watched old movies, and when he felt up to it, we'd shuffle off together to the kitchen. My Father was the head chef for Oscar Mayers cafeteria. He loved to cook when he could. Being very weak, he would have me come beside is big comfy chair in the living room and then hook his hand around my belt. This way he could get up, and so hand firmly gripping my belt he'd say " Up, up, up ,up" more for covering the pain. It became our routine. Dad did this as a way to still feel like he had some dignity - I could have easily picked him up, and did on occasion when he'd fallen or was just so incredibly weak. Once upright, he could walk beside and a little behind me - directing which way we should go. And so it was, off to the kitchen, slowly. Dad had an old step stool that was also a tall chair. This was always folded up, sitting ready for when he'd come to the stove. Dad sitting as I stood gathering items, stirring, and adding spices as dirrected. Some days he did more, some days I did with his directions. I miss him. It's funny, dad was quite short - yet I never thought of him that way. I always looked up to him - even when I was looking down at him sleeping. Every night was a prayer and a kiss - just like when I was little, only this time I was tucking him into bed. Sleep well now - you have fought the fine fight, your race is done, be welcomed into the loving arms of your creator and rest - peacefully.

As time gone by - memories fade. I hate that.  But the reality is that our minds are a self cleaning - keeping the important information at hand, or the memories that we look at often - a bit cleared.  Still time has passed......

 Every Year this this week - the week that covers Dad’s birthday and his death - I am immersed in memories. 18 years ago Dave banged on my father’s door, waking me up around 6 am. I’d been living with Dad at the Lakeview Ave house for the last 3 months, taking care of him and the house after my brother finally moved out. (My Brother had moved in, delegating my father to a tiny room in the basement. 3 months turn into almost a decade…. But I digress, and that unhappy story is for another time.)

 I had gotten little sleep that night, or I should say morning. For I’d been at the nursing home late where Dad had been moved the day before. His cancer returned - this time embedding in the small bone at the top of the spine that the skull pivots on. It was bad. They immediately radiated it, and put Dad in a neck brace. Even if they had killed it - that bone was weak, very weak. He’d be in a neck brace - and probably a wheelchair - for the rest of his life.

 To say that this hit Dad hard - was an understatement - but he hid it well. He didn’t cry, or bemoan his situation. He’d been fighting Cancer for 7 years, and for the most part had functioned well - despite the Chemo. But this meant needing help all the time. Any wrong movement could break that small but critical bone.   Dad had often said “I’m not afraid of death. It’s the process of dying that scares me.” And here it was. He would be “immobilized” - not able to walk around freely without someone by his side. Couldn’t drive. Would have to be in a Nursing home of the rest of his life. Despite his cancer - Dad had been quite active, when his strength was up. As a Jehovah’s Witness - he took the preaching work very seriously. Even after he couldn’t work - he was out and about knocking on doors. He wanted to help people, and that had given him drive. Dad had a great love for people. Now he would be limited - extremely limited. 

Even though the radiation lowered the pain, it was still extremely painful. They had hooked Dad up to a morphine box. He could push it whenever the pain became too much. The day in the hospital waiting for his radiation treatment was very long. We discussed a lot of options. John, my brother, showed up and options were rolled around as to Dad’s future living arrangements. Dad and I had met with hospice earlier in the month - after some issues with his treatments. I’d thought that was an option, but not now with his high medical needs. He’d have to be moved into a Nursing home - not something I was crazy about.

 That night Dad was transferred. The home was on the West side - and very nice. But I could see Dad’s depression starting. I also pushed for him to sign the Aditem papers, and sign papers giving John and I rights to his Bank account, so we could pay his bills. Here is where Dad went to running silent. After signing the bank papers. It was like someone let all the air out of him. I knew it was hard for him, and my heart broke. But I also knew it had to happen if we were going to take care of him. Still - I’ll never forget how he looked. I stayed long after John left. I read to him, talked. Dad just nodded and pressed the button. He was tired, exhausted, and in pain. I slept by his side till 2 or 3 am. Then slipped out after kissing him on the forehead. It was a long drive back to the North East Side. Dad’s breakfast I’d made sat cold in the lining room on the TV tray by his favorite chair. His neck had gotten worse, and he’d been in too much pain to eat. I called his doctor, and we took him in. It seemed like days ago.

 Sleep was horribly restless, and I had to return to work for the morning and a bit of the afternoon. Called the nursing home - checked in with the nurses in the morning. Said that Dad was sleeping a lot, to be understood with the pain and morphine. I headed over around 2:30 ish - got there at 3. Spent the afternoon talking to him. Reassuring him that I loved him and that things would work out. That I’d be there to see him every day. Dad never said a word. Just stared off into the distance, pressing the button every so often. There was a limit on how much it would output, in case it got pressed too much. But still it was disconcerting how often he pressed it.

 John came after 6, and left a couple hours later. One thing that Dave, his best friend, had told us: “It’s important to let your loved ones know that it’s O.K. To leave. That they don’t have to keep fighting for your sake.” And so I told Dad it was ok, as did John.

 After my brother left, Dad dosed. I didn’t talk much, unless he’d wake suddenly, to push the button. I think the pain woke him those moments. Again I’d reassure home it was OK - that I loved him. That John and I, and our families, would be just fine. I was so exhausted I drifted off sitting there. A Nurse woke me and asked if there was anything Dad needed. He was fast asleep now, his breathing regular and deep. I kissed him on the forehead for the last time, and headed back to the house, feeling very empty. Dad hadn’t said a word to me - though I know he knew I was there - and I know he wanted me there.   I’d had the same empty feeling the first night after Amber was born - and I was sent home. I was leaving my new little girl and my wife far away. Driving back into Deerfield from Madison is always a jaunt - but that night was hard. This was the same feeling - only far darker.

 Dave’s knocking brought me awake, and for a moment I had no idea of where I was. A feeling of extreme disorientation - and I thing a feeling I’d lost or forgot something - though I couldn't remember what. As I opened the door -Dave took me in his arms and said : “Your father is gone, he passed away this morning around 5.”. I shook with the news and Dave was so kind and loving. I don’t remember the words - just feeling, as we stood in the little entryway of my now deceased fathers home. (Dave was my father’s first contact for medical reasons - as I was living in Deerfield - and Dave was much closer, and semi retired - such that he was the first to be called )

 After a time, I climbed in his car, and we headed over to the Nursing home.   This is such a surreal memory for me - even after 18 years - ( My God! The span of time from my birth to “becoming an adult” 18 years - has now gone by since his death). I only remember walking into the cold white room where dad was lying on a bed. I couldn't believe that he was dead. They told me that the night nurse had been reading to him around 4 AM - as Dad had been wide awake, and buzzed for something to drink. After a point, he’d started to drift a bit, and she was called away. There - alone - in the early morning - with little hope of a life as he’d had. Knowing I loved him. His family loved him. That it was OK. My father let go. He gave his confidence over to his Heavenly Father - whom he loved, and had shaped his life to server. Dad at last found peace amongst the pain and turmoil.

 The last time I touched Dad, was to take the ring off his finger. Holding his hand in mine. Funny how the mind works. My brain was surprised that his hand still had some warmth to it. I leaned - forehead to forehead, and said goodbye.

 My Dad was not a perfect man. He’d made mistakes, some that cost him dearly - but those were few. At his funeral - the Kingdom Hall ( the name of a Jehovah’s Witness Church ) was packed - people were standing - even in the entry way. The outpouring of love for this man was amazing - though not shocking. My Dad gave. He gave and gave - not in monetary sense usually ( though he did ) but in time and caring. Sometimes that cost him. Cost him time with his wife, and time with John and I. After Mom and Dad divorced ( actually during that whole dark time period ) he told John and I over and over that he was sorry, that he’d let his responsibilities to the congregation overshadow the much needed attention to our mother and us. But he felt that if he had said no to someone, or some need - he was failing Jehovah. He realized he was wrong there, and asked forgiveness.

 How could I not? How could I hold any of that against him? I never felt unloved in our home. I never felt neglected - though did feel the lack of his presence. I knew when Dad was focused on something - and I’d need to wait. As I got into my teens - it became easier and easier to do that. Even still - Dad would have heart to heart talks with me, though the times between these became longer and longer. Yet still. I NEVER had a doubt - that Dad Loved me - that Dad cared about me and wanted the best for me. And even when I’d failed and messed up - he stood by me - and was proud of me. And so - I give tribute to a man, warts and all, who will be missed - and in some who still remember him - loved in our hearts and minds…...

 An after thought:

 I am no longer a Jehovah’s Witness, but have never lost my love and belief in a loving God. In fact - I’ve learned that he is far more loving and kind than the one I was raised to believe in. I have friends who are of other faiths, agnostics, and even atheist. You know the amazing thing? They are all kind and wonderful people. I don’t need to measure them - don't need compare them - don't need to judge them.

 In my life - I want to emulate the best parts of Claire Harrison Gile - a man who looked beyond the outer shell of people - and saw the good and potential in them - always……...

Thoughts inspired by SAFE HOUSE

Not sure where this blog will go, but I will be dropping my thoughts as they jump around, going from tangent to disconnected tangent in my mind.  This week – “Safe House”.  Why, because I just saw it and it stirred memories for me.  Here goes:

I know that there are probably hundreds of blogs covering the new movie “Safe House” with Denzel Washington and Ryan Reynolds -    http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1599348/

I won’t go on through the whole plot, or how great a movie it was.  What came to mind was how cinematography has changed since I was young.  I remember growing up in the in the 60’s and 70’s how movies “looked”, especially action movies.  Not to mention TV shows.  I know – for many of you that makes me old – but you know what – I’m not.  Anyone who knows me knows, that the kids inside lives long and prospers . . .

OK – back to Movies and TV.  One of the major changes is the fact that violence is shown in a truer light today.  Fist fights, shootings, stabbings had been limited - little or no blood, the camera panned away, or the actual action was artistically blocked.  Even Psycho’s shower scene tried to blunt the shocking violence.  You see the stabbing action and the black and white blood running down the drain (often it was chocolate sauce in the B&W days of film).  You never see the blade enter the body, or the blood spurt.  Yet you felt the terror – the horror.  That was the beauty of the art form at that time.  We still see some of that today, but more often the attempt for total realism is what directors shoot for. 

Where am I going with this you’re asking?  Chocolate sauce – really? 

It has to do with action scenes, and how they have evolved on film.  Being a photographer, films are far more than just the story to me.  The lighting, angle, the choices of shots and how they are laid out catch my eye.  As a young man, I loved movies, but could never understand why someone would want to go to a play.  After all, you can’t zoom in, have great backgrounds, and let’s face it, the special effects are limited. (I know – I know I was young, and that was well before “Phantom of the Opera”, or “Wicked”.  But that is a whole other blog for me to write about.) 

Action scenes that always stood out for me were the car chases.  That was where the pace picked up, the adrenalin got pumping, and things got smashed up (usually other cars, trash cans, and the unfortunate grocers cart or stand out from of their store).  Clichés now – right?   And they all started to look kind of the same.  But take “Bullitt” with Steve McQueen (yes yes “Gone in 60 Seconds” of that same era was pretty fantastic too).  “Bullitt” set the standard for all car chases that followed.  And frankly it took many years before any director was able to match, or supersede the infamous mustang chase scene that Peter Yates created.  It was the longest chase scene to date, lasting 10 minutes, 53 seconds.  I remember the green Mustang, and the fact that I forgot to breath several times as I watched Steve McQueen defy death.  There were actually two 1968 Mustangs used during the three weeks it took to complete the scenes.  Yates originally slated the cars to go between seventy to eighty miles an hour.  In reality the Mustangs, Chargers and filming vehicles all attained speeds of one hundred and ten miles an hour.  Yates rewrote the book on “the car chase”.

Next, fast forward to 1994 and the TV series “ER”; Hand held cameras that didn’t use any stabilization when shooting intense scenes.  I know that this technique was used in many films before, but “ER" stood out with a different “look” as it was pretty much shot all hand held.  Just as “Law and Order” had such a different look when it first aired.  Now there are those that complain profusely about the shaky cam (just Google it and you’ll see ton of complaints buy self proclaimed critics about how bad it is).  Just as with any tool, filter, or technique – it can be overused, or simply used poorly.  However, I have to say it truly gives a life like feel to a scene.  I can’t mention shaky cam  without giving a nod to Joss Whedon and Steve Schofield.  Any fan of “Firefly” or “Battlestar Galactic” will know what I mean.  They were not afraid of a shaky camera, out of focus zoom, or lens flair.  Granted – these are all done digitally for the space battles and in-flight shots.  But those techniques do make it feel very real.  Anyone who has tried to film an air show with an 8 mm movie camera, or a Sony video camera knows just how real those “shots” are.  Complain all you want, but anything that makes you feel like you are right there is great in my book. 

So what does this have to do with “Safe House”?  Again I must refer to another film I loved: “The Bourne Ultimatum”.  By far, this Bourne film took the foot chase up to a level we’ve only seen in car chases.  There is such a feel that you are RIGHT THERE.  You are running, jumping, your heart beating, just like Bourne’s is.  And the climax is where the sound goes dead – like when the blood is just pounding in your ears; Truly a work of art and technical excellence.  “Safe House” has taken what “Bourne” did, and expanded it throughout the movie.  I think the thing I loved most is how they suitably changed the pace between Denzel Washington’s character, the experienced and even jaded Tobin Frost, to that of the inexperience and even panic of Ryan Reynolds’ character Matt Weston.  If you watch closely the pace in how many seconds, or half seconds the chase scenes are broken up into when Reynolds’ character is on the screen.  There are much longer shots of Washington, creating a feeling of paced calm.  Reynolds’ shots are disjointed and quicker cut.  You get a rushed, unsure, almost panicky feeling as he desperately searches for Denzel in a crowd, or shoots his way though a fire fight. 

The affect is wonderful, and adds to both the excitement of the scene, but also the enormous differences between these two CIA operatives; one a jaded rogue, the other a determined but green field operative.  Juxtaposing their similarities and differences throughout the film, we get a great incite of what one looses when they have lived a life full of needed lies. 

Graduate, job hunt, move, REBOOT

(originally saved October 28th 2011)  

I finished my Bachelors in Computer Science in of August of 2011.  I had grandiose plans of keeping up this blog, now that I would have free time.  The first two weeks after finishing school were sheer bliss.  I did a LOT of nothing . . (you know like reading, going for walks, catching up on Dr. Who episodes I’d missed.)  I felt like there was this huge load off my shoulders.  Ahhhhhh

So That didn’t last long.  Working for the State of Wisconsin in the Walker regime, especially as a contractor, just not a stable place.  So the massive job hunt (one that had been going on for quite a while – don’t get me started on insurance please) kicked into overdrive.  I had over 45 interviews, both live and on the phone.  I came in 2^nd at least 20 times.  Madison Wisconsin was turning out to be a poor place to find employment as an IT professional – that is unless you want to do contract jobs all the time and have poor benefits and crappy insurance. (No offense to those I worked with at TechSystems.  Unfortunately it’s the nature of the beast that all of the contracting firms I’ve worked for have poorer benefits, it just is.)  Expanding the search to area’s of the country I wouldn’t mind living, I received even more phone calls and interview appointments. 

Enter IBM.  I mean – it’s IBM!!!  They have a New Delivery center in Columbia Mo. I was encouraged to apply for three areas, and I had 3 interviews. End of story – I was offered a position starting October 10^th 2011.   Holy Crud – how did that happen???? 

So Now I had even more work to do in packing.  Getting ready to move to Columbia, trying to pack the house ahead of time.  Every night and weekend is devoted to this trek.  I am a zombie - focused only on packing, and then once I'm down there - taking in the "firehose" of training and orientation at IBM.

What will the future bring?  Don't know for sure.  I have a lot of opportunities, but have left a lot behind.

Life, Gile -Thomas ver 5.0 - REBOOT 

Additional Reflections for RCS497 Edgewood

I came across an article today from BBC News Technology.

                  Third of adults 'use smartphone' says Ofcom report (1)

This ties in well with the reflection questions and the readings Kathleen has assigned. We have seen so many technological booms in our lifetime, and have become even more aware since becoming IT professionals. It fascinates me how differently technology is used and viewed by varying age groups.

In looking at the 3rd of the adult UK population using smartphones, it broke down the percent of usages between adults and teen agers. Not surprisingly, adults tended to use their smartphones for more practical uses – Primarily for email, web access and Social networking. Then in smaller quantities - GPS, News and sports. Teens on the other hand, massively out weighed the adult use. Their big three were Social Networking, music, and games. Followed by email, taking photos/video, internet, instant messaging.

This general overview gives us a good glimpse into how each new “technological generation” embraces technology differently. Expectations and needs are quite different. Granted, adults will always tend to be more pragmatic than teenagers when using these devices. It the “Tool vs. Toy” mentality (which I struggle with ALL the time – having an internal age MUCH younger than my physical one). But even considering that factor, younger users are savvy, and quick to pick up on many of the new applications available.

The article also looked at “regular’ internet use –and how it’s use is changing. As more and more of the population becomes “I grew up with that technology”, more demand for smaller, faster, less complicated interfaces will be expected. The mouse was a wonderful invention, it allowed for a much better computing experience. Now, however, touch screens on portable devices is the trend. I see in the future devices that will follow finger/hand movement with no physical contact with the device. Already we have cameras that follow where your eye is looking in the viewfinder. This same technology could be added to smart devices, even “SmartGlass” perhaps.

In any event, mass amounts of viable applications, and ease of use will drive the market and the technology we will shortly see coming our way. As the Baby Boomers move out of the main focus for product sales, it will be interesting to see what the new trends will bring – marketing to a whole generation who have always had video games, computers, and for most of their lives – the internet. The 2020 Super Bowel commercials will certainly be interesting to say the least.

(1) http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/technology-14397101

Classes at Edgewood are almost complete

In the summer of 2006 I started a new journey for me.  College.  Edgewood College -  Madison WI to be exact.  I was in the RAAD program – Returning Adults.  It’s been quite the ride.  I did take off for about a year when my wife became very ill, so it’s taken a little longer to get my Bachelors.

For anyone considering going back to school, or just want to attend a great local college, look at Edgewood.  The faculty is outstanding.  I have had Professors and instructors that were wonderful.  New doors have been opened to me.  I have met great people who have tolerated my oddities, and have been a pleasure to work with on group projects.  This has been a long run, I am looking forward to the finish line, and many things yet to come. 

Edgewood RCS497 Reflective Question - 6

In what ways has approaches to learning to use technology changed in the past 5 years?  What are the ways it remains the same?

Looking at the product changes that have occurred in the last 5 years have affected what we perceive as the norm in expectations of said products.  I think that this has had a great influence on how the general public has learned to use new technology.

For example,  large change that has taken place recently was with the introduction of the iPhone. The iPhone took the smart phone / digital phone to a whole new level.  Not only did it perfect the touch pad, add new features unavailable on other phones,  but it also encouraged others to create new apps.  In fact it was the introduction of these new apps made it so powerful and a marketing dynamo.  The public now had a small portable technology that was far more than just a cell phone.  New applications could be down loaded quickly and start functioning within minutes.  Learning to use the iphone was very simple, as it followed simple touch logic.  Apple has taken technology and tried to make the interface simple and intuitive.  The iphone came out in 2007, just look at the advances in the smart / digital phones who have emulated Apple.

Blogging has certainly taken off in  trying to help others understand technologies.  Again it is often product or type driven ( ipod, iPad, Droid, Windows 7, and GPS systems for example).  Social networking sites, Twitter, forums – these have all blossomed with advice on what to do, how to upgrade, how to hack or root your systems.  I have a feeling that more and more people are just Googling to find answers on how to.

YouTube has also exploded in great video that visually step you through the process.  Online information and help has, I feel, become the norm for most people.  It has a flood of advice (both good and bad) that can be extremely useful. 

Still, there is always the: hey I’ll buy it, or install it, and just play with it till I figure it out.  There is still the guy on late night TV that is offering courses on CD that walk a person though how to use Office, or Ebay, or Google.  Everything comes with instruction manuals and 800 numbers to contact about their product.  FAQ’s, Manufactures web sites, friends, family, and co-workers still stand the test of time for asking about new technology. 

Edgewood RCS497 Reflective Question - 5

What are our responsibilities as merchants of change?

In the IT industry, we are in a constant flux of change.  New technologies, programs, operating systems, hardware – you name it.  Often it’s hard for professionals to maintain a hold on all of the changes, and to be knowledgeable enough to navigate thought the pros and cons.  Imagine the confusion and dismay to those who have no clue as to even the most basic concepts of our changing technological environment.  They are subject to depend on we as professionals to decide the benefits and need of changes to their working environment.  Even savvy users often are force to take on the changes of upgrades or complete different systems.   

As IT professionals, we often make decisions based on available resources (money), security needs, ease of use, ease of upgrade, and of course – personal preference.   Non of which may have the interest of the end user truly in mind.   All too often I have seen changes made because a manager or IT administrator was in love with the NEW and SHINNY – or wanted to be close to the bleeding edge in their company.  This can be costly, both in financially, but also in work related frustration, leading to lower productivity and disgruntled employees.  ( See companies who upgraded to Microsoft Millennia Edition or Vista for example.)

We must be agents working not only for improvement of company needs (perceived or real), but also with those that will be working with the technology day in and day out.  To find that balance is actually more work up front.  It involves not only knowing the available technology, but also those who will be working with it, and what their REAL needs are.  This means interview not only department managers, but all key personnel who will be involved.  Digging deep to understand both the needs and what the impact of changing the existing system will mean.  We also need to be willing to see when the existing system is good enough for now.

One of the frustrating situations that we often run into is the case of old technology just not being supported, either by the manufacturer, or by operating systems.  In these cases there is not a choice of keeping the old system.  Again – we need to be ambassadors, not solders of change.  Yes, people my be forced to accept the change, but we can make it easier.  Creating a good change strategy that involved the least impact on the regular schedule.  Good training, and effective follow up will lessen the blow and ease the transition.  We also have to be good sales men, getting the end user to realize the benefits, and then keeping the promises of those benefits.

Change is a way of life with technology.  But there are affective ways to aid those who have little or no choice in the changes around them.  It takes time, effort, empathy, and a bit of humility to be a good merchant of change.  It is our responsibility to look for the safest, most cost effective technological changes for our companies.  But it is also our responsibility to work with those affected by such change to be as trained and effective by such change.